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Letter "J" » Jack Handy Quotes
(Click a letter to view the authors)
«Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.»
«I hope if dogs take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.»
«The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.»
Author: Jack Handy
(Writer)
| Keywords:
calling, caw, crowing, crows, name, name calling, seemed, The Crow
«If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say, 'How do you figger that!' real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.»
«Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta. Grow up.»
Author: Jack Handy
(Writer)
| Keywords:
come on, connected, fishing, fly fishing, grow up, strand, stranded, The Strand, thin
«Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.»
«Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)»
Author: Jack Handy
(Writer)
| Keywords:
falls, guess, guy, leans, regular, regulars, Saturday, Saturday Night, Saturday Night Live, trap, trap door, window
«If you lose your job, your marriage and your mind all in one week, try to lose your mind first, because then the other stuff won't matter that much»
«If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.»
«I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. but I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe.»
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